Sean Thomas is a British climate denialist who cares not one whit about the future of the human species, as long as he can show off his wit

Sean Thomas is a British climate denialist, novelist, journalist and travel writer. He also publishes thrillers under the name Tom Knox. He is currently writing a memoir and tweets under the name @thomasknox.

In a Telegraph blog post headlined "When it comes to climate change, we have to trust our scientists, because they know lots of big scary words," he writes in mid-2033:

Whither the weather? As you may have heard, a conference of national forecasters assembled this week in Britain: to discuss the future of the British climate, following the spate of harsher than expected winters, and unusually wet summers, since 2007.



Already, commentators are asking if Al Gore's Hoax aka ''global warming'' is to blame. In particular, some are wondering if the direction of the Jet Stream is being altered by Arctic ice melt. Others are speculating that natural variations, such as the “Atlantic multi-decadal oscillation”, might be responsible for recent evolutions.



However, most of this reportage has been second-hand. Unprecedentedly, I had direct access to the meteorologists concerned, as I was at the meeting in spirit form, and I managed to speak to the principal actors.



First, I asked Stephen Belcher, the head of the Met Office Hadley Centre, whether the recent extended winter was related to global warming. Shaking his famous “ghost stick”, and fingering his trademark necklace of sharks’ teeth and mammoth bones, the loin-clothed Belcher blew smoke into a conch, and replied,



“Here come de heap big warmy. Bigtime warmy warmy. Is big big hot. Plenty big warm burny hot. Hot! Hot hot! But now not hot. Not hot now. De hot come go, come go. Now Is Coldy Coldy. Is ice. Hot den cold. Frreeeezy ice til hot again. Den de rain. It faaaalllll. Make pasty.”



Startled by this sobering analysis, I moved on to Professor Rowan Sutton, Climate Director of NCAS at the University of Reading. Professor Sutton said that many scientists are, as of this moment, examining the complex patterns in the North Atlantic, and trying to work out whether the current run of inclement European winters will persist.



When pressed on the particular outlook for the British Isles. Professor Sutton shook his head, moaned eerily unto the heavens, and stuffed his fingers into the entrails of a recently disembowelled chicken, bought fresh from Waitrose in Teignmouth.



Hurling the still-beating heart of the chicken into a shallow copper salver, Professor Sutton inhaled the aroma of burning incense, then told the Telegraph: “The seven towers of Agamemnon tremble. Much is the discord in the latitude of Gemini. When, when cry the sirens of doom and love. Speckly showers on Tuesday.”



It’s a pretty stark analysis, and not without merit. There are plenty of climate change scientists who are equally forthright on the possibilities of change, or no change, and of more hot, or less hot, or of rain, or no rain, or of Britain turning into the Sahara by next weekend, or instead becoming a freezing cold Frostyworld ruled by a strange, glistening ice-queen – crucially, it all depends on the time of day you ask them, and whether or not they had asparagus the day before.



So who are we to believe? For a final word, I, a tried and true climate denialist with my head in the sand who thinks I am very funny and God's gift to British humour, turned to the greatest climate change scientist of all, Dr David Viner, one-time senior research scientist at the climatic research unit of the University of East Anglia, who predicted in 2000 that, within a few years, winter snowfall would become "a very rare and exciting event".

"Right, those are the predictions, fully agreed by 97% of all scientists," Viner added. "Now, you have to give us many billions of pounds for a new research centre with computers, and totally change your way of life.

You have to collapse your industrial economy, tax everyone's infrastructure expenditure, cut the supply of food, electricity and water to everyone's homes and live as nature intended, in a small medieval village on the edge of a forest and prepare to live in the future in what Danny Bloom predicts will be called polar cities for survivors of global warming chaos in 500 years, but you can start now by googling "polar cities" ......"

SEAN ADDS: Look you American and Aussie climate activists, and you too, James Lovelock, AGW is just another run of JUNK SCIENCE just like SECOND HAND SMOKE! The so called justification for worldwide smoking bans!!! Its all connected at the hip at the UNITED NATIONS and the WHO FCTC TREATY.........




About 90% of secondary smoke is composed of water vapor and ordinary air with a minor amount of carbon dioxide. The volume of water vapor of second hand smoke becomes even larger as it quickly disperses into the air,depending upon the humidity factors within a set location indoors or outdoors. Exhaled smoke from a smoker will provide 20% more water vapor to the smoke as it exists the smokers mouth.



4 % is carbon monoxide.



6 % is those supposed 4,000 chemicals to be found in tobacco smoke. Unfortunatley for the smoke free advocates these supposed chemicals are more theorized than actually found.What is found is so small to even call them threats to humans is beyond belief.Nanograms,picograms and femptograms......

(1989 Report of the Surgeon General p. 80).  LOVE, SEAN